Frustrating days in bed

Now is the time for us to be grateful and thankful and there are things I’m extremely thankful for, but I’m also having a hard time getting over the unfairness of things lately. It seems I’ve often had my share of luck, especially when I wasn’t looking or trying. But this week, I’m mad about all the hard work for nothing. It’s not the first time for me, but it’s so frustrating!

Fourteen years ago, when I was in labor with Raine for three days, three long days, of non-progressing labor, my ex gave me a smoothie with magnesium to relax my muscles. I was getting Charlie horses on top of everything. Within an hour of drinking the smoothie, the labor stopped. That was frustrating, because I had put in 72 hours or more of labor, and it just stopped. I was already emotional, but I cried.

When I was 42, and I was diagnosed with cancer, again, I mad and frustrated for the same reason. I had been a vegetarian for 18 years, and a vegan for most of that. I had gone to five yoga classes a week for years. I devoted more than half of my life to living cleanly and healthily. Why was I the one to get cancer. I had never smoked a day in my life. Didn’t really drink since my freshman year of college. Of course, no drugs, not even processed foods, or chemicals. It didn’t make sense.

And now, living in China during COVID, being seriously locked down —twice. I’ve been wearing a mask for three straight years. We get tested every day. We haven’t left this city for three years!  We did everything right. We should have gotten through unscathed. But, again, life isn’t fair, and we all got COVID in the middle of December.  It took me about 12-13 days to get out of bed. It was the day after Christmas when I could finally stand and walk more than just to the bathroom.  The girls, luckily were sick all of about 2-3 days. Sadly, we were all sick on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

The worst part about getting it now is that there are no more rules in place. You are expected to work now, even if you have symptoms. We started teaching solely online the day after my positive diagnosis. This means, there should be no problem to prop yourself up in front of a camera and teach your class or show a video, because by this point more than 50% of the teachers and students at my school were positive. I started teaching again on day four of being sick, teach a class, sleep, teach a class, sleep until the next day and repeat.

All of the pharmacies are out of medicine and the hospitals are out of beds. Luckily, I had just stocked up on some American Aleve and Excedrin a few weeks before, so that helped a lot.  Groceries took 4-5 days to deliver because it seems that half the city is sick right now, and that includes delivery drivers.

In the meantime, we also have to get our report cards and comments together. And I have to find a new job. I mean I have one lined up, but they actually yelled at me for not being in process to be certified in Canada because I was sick in bed. It’s very stressful, and I’m kind of over jumping through all the hoops. I will see it through, but if it doesn’t work out, I need a plan B and C by Feb. 8^th when my resignation takes effect. I’ve talked to some agents and there are some good things out there that they can help me with, but I have to wait until Tuesday.

I’m also mad that my current school put me in this position. I really wish I wasn’t in this position and that this was the last school we were at before we leave China, but now it will be one more school and one more apartment. I want to stay in bed, but I have keep searching and applying for jobs, and figure out where we might move in a month. So, I’m a bit frustrated, but I’m looking forward for 2023 being a much better year.