The problems in China

This past weekend, the girls and I decided to chill, the whole time. There were no dentist appointments for Raine. She’s had one every Sunday since the end of September. I’ve had my own things, interviews, and team building events. This is the first weekend with nothing planned. We reserved it for not getting out of pajamas,decorating for Christmas, and binge-watching whatever we want.

On that note, I am IN LOVE with The Larkins. It is the most lovely British show and I managed to watch every episode throughout the weekend.  You can imagine my surprise on Sunday evening when I decided to check the news. It was filled with stories of China, and I ended up binge-watching those too.

I live in Shanghai, as you know. I saw or heard of none of this. The video I have seen over and over of Shanghai is the same one. So the protest all seems to be downtown in Xuhui on the corner where the Avacado Lady is. (If you know Shanghai, You know what I’m talking about). They seem to only have one video of this. I understand very clearly why they are protesting. I understand the frustration and fear.

We have had two major city-wide lockdowns and lots of policies implemented, that you may not know about. We have QR codes on our phones, and we must show our green QR codes to enter most public places and to use public transportation. To show our green codes, we have to scan a code. That shows we were there (the mall, restaurant, work, whatever). And if someone is found to get COVID or know or live with someone who has it, everyone who was near you at that place, gets locked down.

This was a problem for me last week. I went on a school tour on Monday. When I came home I got a message that they had a case in school, and the school was locked down. I’m not sure how or why, but it didn’t affect me. My QR code did not turn yellow or red, and I didn’t get a call, so, I’m not sure how I escaped lockdown for that. However, living so close to Disneyland, we have workers in out complex and our building. They had found a case at Disneyland, so our building was locked down for two days, because that worker was there that day.

This was a weird thing. I was at work and I received a text that our building would be locked down at 3:30. So when we got home, we would be locked down. It was just two days, and we had plenty of food and whatever, but we still got snacks on the way home. Actually, it was a nice reset. But trying to teach online to my class, and to those also locked down at home was difficult.

Another thing, you may not realize is that we get tested EVERY SINGLE DAY! Either at work/school or in our complex. They recently changed the policy so that it can be every other day, but this week, I think we’re back to every day again. Your green code has to say you’ve been tested within the past 24 hours.

We don’t wear masks in school, because we are all tested everyday. But masks are required everywhere else. I have noticed at that end of the day, when I’m walking home, less people are wearing masks outside. However, at least fifty percent do, and one hundred percent do in the morning.

Today is the middle school field trip day. Every grade goes somewhere. But there’s some new QR code that needs to be used for these events, and the girls couldn’t access them, so they didn’t get to go. They aren’t sad. It’s a cold and rainy day. They are at home watching movies and putting the Christmas lights up. Maybe even making me dinner. I felt so bad for them, but they really didn’t mind, and the dogs will be happy for the attention.

I handed in my resignation on Friday. I feel sad and sick about it. I had a meeting to renegotiate my contract. I asked them if they could put Rumi in 10th grade, and they said they had no control over it, and couldn’t, so I said that we’ve wasted Rumi’s time long enough and I need to find a school that will take them both.

I had already found a school and been offered a job. But I am giving my current school three months notice, so there is no hard feelings. The whole thing is daunting. I wanted this to be our last place in China. Last year was the best year ever. One big upside though, is we will move to a different district. One that I like much better. It’s where our doctor, dentist, youth group, and favorite places are. I really don’t like Pudong. My complex is wonderful, but the district is old, dirty, and uncomfortable compared to others. If we compare this to Cleveland, this district is like Lorain or Elyria, and Minhang is like Westlake.

Oh, and my housing allowance will double. Right now, I’m paying 9500 RMB for a three bedroom/2 bathroom, and my housing allowance is 6000. There, I believe will pay similar rent, but my housing will be 12,000. I do pay a little extra because we need a pet-friendly apartment.

I’ve been told for the fourth time that they’ve hired someone to take my place in third grade so I can go take care of the library. But I’m afraid with all of this unrest, he may not come. He was supposed to start Friday, but I’m quite sure he hasn’t landed yet (or even gotten plane tickets).

It’s starting to feel a bit more desolate. It feels like the number of foreigners has been cut in half. It feels a bit less welcoming, and a lot more struggleful. (No spellcheck, so it must be a word). I’m torn because I can’t make this money anywhere else, and I only have until Rumi graduates before we have to leave, so I’d like to be able to save before then

I’ve been in a funk

I can’t seem to bring myself to blog. For the first several years, I used to be monthly. During the first COVID lockdown, I was biweekly. After my mom died, it’s closer to bi-yearly. It’s cathartic for me, but it was written mostly with my mom in mind as the reader. Of course, I know there are other readers, but that is how I wrote it.

Also, even though I reported on bad or negative things, I tried very hard not to be negative. There were definitely some crazy struggles, but I tried too much to be light, and positive. I’m struggling now –not as bad or crazy as some struggles I’ve had. Certainly, nothing I can’t handle, but I don’t know how positive I can be. I think COVID has done a number on me mentally. I keep seeing things about that on the news, and I feel it’s real.

Okay, so the struggle. Like everywhere, China has a big shortage of teachers, specifically Foreign Teachers. In a way this is good for me, because schools will pay top dollar for us now, fight over us, and treat us even better to encourage us to stay in China. I heard an estimated 50% of foreign teachers have left China during or after the last lockdown this past spring. It seems high. It’s noticeable, but maybe not that high.

The problem is that my school was short three to five teachers at the beginning of the year, and they took three foreigners who were not teachers and put them in that spot. I am one of those displaced people, and they put me in third grade. I’m in hell. I am NOT a primary school teacher. I have never been, nor would I ever want to be. I went to this school because I didn’t want the stress of being a teacher. I wanted to be a full-time librarian. I don’t want to make lessons plans and make sure kids line up, and check homework, and every other duty a homeroom teacher needs to attend to.

Last year, I was a full-time librarian. It may have been the best year of my working life. I loved it so much! And I loved my co-librarian, and the girls loved their teachers and their extra classes and everything was absolutely perfect –way better than I expected.

This year, they didn’t tell me that I would be teaching third grade until the first day of school. In addition, they said they don’t pay for 10th-12th grade, so they put Rumi in ninth grade again, and with the teacher shortage the girls don’t have beginning Chinese anymore either. Meanwhile, no one is manning the library and it’s wrecked! I AM NOT happy. I am so very not happy.

Three times, they have told me they hired a third grade teacher, and I will be able able to go back to the library. Three times, this has fallen through for one reason or another. I have lost my voice, gotten horribly sick, and my feet hurt everyday. I don’t want to be a primary teacher.

Now, there are gobs of jobs available right now, even though the school year started. I’ve interviewed for three and gotten them. But there’s another problem. Can I break my contract and leave without a court battle like last time? I don’t think that they will take losing me lightly, since, in reality, they are losing two positions.

In other news, I have a few observations. One, everyone raves about Rumi and Raine. I mean they are good and I really have no problems at all, but its weird how in one day, the physics teacher told me again (on the daily) how much she loves both of the girls. Last year she wished Rumi was her daughter, and this year, she had no idea her sister was as awesome. Then there’s their Chinese homeroom teachers, parents at our friends’ child’s birthday party, the guys who do my hair, my doctor, our dentist. Raine often helps the first-grade teachers in her free time, and I’ll get a text. Everyone makes a point to say something, and I hear it from different people an average of three times a day. It makes me feel wonderful. I’m not having those horrible teenage years everyone talks about.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is that we are crazy tired, like abnormally tired all the time. When I was in school, I did stuff afterwards, before dinner and after dinner. I went on dates, to football games, to the mall or McDonalds, over a friend’s house. I wasn’t tired. The girls and I drag ourselves home by 4:30, eat, and go to bed. Its sad. I don’t know if that’s a COVID leftover thing, a 53 year-old-I shouldn’t-be-a-primary-school-teacher-thing or what, but I hate it.

Raine on her second or third root canal. Rumi had to take her this time, because I was horribly sick with some stomach flu that made me severely dehydrated and feverish.

Last Sunday, I took the girls shopping. We bought books, clothes and had burgers. I made us do something, and it was fun, but mostly, my feet hurt so bad. I can’t do something like that after work, and they just want to sleep. But we don’t even watch TV. I did buy some games and made us play after dinner a few times, but this just not feel normal.

Books make us happy!

So, as you can see, it’s been a bit of bleak time. I’m not sure if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I find out on Monday if a high school that we all particularly like, will offer me the head librarian position that is opening up next month. I had the interview, we toured the school. We all loved it, but Raine would go to the middle school on a different campus very nearby. Rumi can graduate, and I would strictly be librarian. We especially love it because about thirty percent of the students are foreign, and the girls even have friends who go there. But also, we LOVE that neighborhood! It’s where our doctor, dentist, hairdresser, the girls’ youth group, and a few favorite restaurants are.

I also should mention the COVID crisis hasn’t ended. We get tested everyday. And school, it’s first thing. At home, there are announcements on bullhorns rounding everyone up. We still wear masks in public, even outside, except not in school, because we a tested everyday. And there are still lockdowns, not by neighborhood, but by building, except, unlike last time, we hope for them, because we wouldn’t have to leave home.

I haven’t been able to bring myself to say this all “out loud,” but also, I vacillate between crazy busy, and drained. We had a nice summer. We went to hotels, we hung out, they went to camp with about 200 foreign kids. China is still good, it’s just my current situation that is really messing me up.

Adventures in the outside world

After 70 days, we were finally given passes to go outside my compound. We were assigned one pass per household and a specific three hour window for each building. Our window was 2-5pm today. The girls have classes so I used it. We were warned not to try to go to the one opened grocery store in the neighborhood, because all the elderly unvaccinated people would go there, and our building has had a perfect record of cases. We certainly don’t want to screw that up.

They made a new policy that if ANYONE in the building tests positive, then EVERYONE in the building goes to the quarantine centers. The whole idea is illogical, because suddenly, 150 negative testers, are sure to get it. I absolutely don’t want to go through that, and for the first time in this pandemic, I’ve thought about leaving. The embassy even sent a letter saying that if you wanted to leave there would be no regulations on pets, you could just bring them without documentation. That made it even more tempting.

However, I talked to my Chinese co-worker, and she told me that I shouldn’t worry, that being foreign provided a small amount of immunity, and that if anyone knocks on my door, don’t answer, don’t sign any papers, and don’t give anyone my key. My key is my thumb print, so that is easy enough. She also said if anything happens, I should call her right away and she’ll take care of it. I slept hard that night. I hadn’t been able to sleep well before this.

We’ve been stocking things well. We have plenty of water. If we had to stay locked in for 2 weeks, we would be fine.

So, armed with my paper pass, I walked out of our gate. Our road was also blocked. Once I got passed the blockades the first thing I noticed was the smell. It was like stinky tofu, rotting food, and sewers all combined. I had a mask covering my nose and it was still overwhelming. Then I realized, the garbage collectors, the street cleaners, and sewer workers were also stuck at home, and the whole place looked like a dystopian movie.

It was so dirty and garbage was everywhere.

I had a purpose. I had left some papers in my work desk that a teacher who lived on campus had rescued. I was going to pick up my papers, and give her whatever she needed, which she said was vegetables. I had packed some extra vegetables I had, an extra loaf of bread, and a few candy bars.

She told me to go to the grocery store, but since I wasn’t “allowed” I just brought it from home. As I passed the grocery store and saw the several hour wait standing in line, I was quite glad that I didn’t need anything. It was the only thing open (except the pharmacy) for blocks.

This line is actually about 2-3 hours long. It goes all the way down the street.

While I was waiting at the school gate, I ran into another teacher from my compound. He’d walked 10,000 steps around the whole neighborhood. A Chinese guy came by on a bike and stopped to chat too. He was also from our compound. He asked us our opinions of the whole situation. We were trying to be diplomatic, but he just went off on how stupid the while thing was and how angry it made him. His friend had lost his company, many were losing their jobs, and lots of foreigners are leaving. We assured him that we aren’t leaving and our school is treating us well. He was thankful for that.

The streets are empty.

As soon as my friend came out and we traded packages, I couldn’t get home fast enough. It was weird. Walking into my gate, everything was beautiful and clean again like an oasis in a desolate dystopia.

If and when I am given the chance to leave again, I probably won’t take it until everything opens up. Today, for lunch, I was able to order Shanghai soup dumplings. There’s no reason for me to leave until everything opens up again we can get to an Apple store to get Raine’s phone fixed.

43 days! And no end in sight!

I have never watched a zombie movie or TV show, but I have learned that if there were a Zombie Apocalypse, you would want me on your team.  Let’s just say, we started with very little, and no warning on March 13, after a whole Saturday of working. We could get very little after that and were almost emptywithin a week or two. At this point today, though, we could live for more than another maybe 2 months on what we have right now.

Of course, I did not do this all by myself! Our building, our whole compound, and my coworkers have been so crazy helpful they deserve medals.

Let me lay out the situation. In the news I keep hearing them say that Shanghai has been locked down for 3 weeks. Yes, as a city, we’ve been locked down since April 1. My half of the city was locked down on March 26th. However, my compound has been locked down since March 13th.

Like these dates, nothing about this lockdown is uniform in this city. When I talk to some of my friends in Songjiang, there are compounds that won’t let you have anything other than necessities, whereas my building bought a stockpile of wine. Is cheese a necessity? It’s very subjective. What else was very different were the government boxes. Here in Pudong, we honestly got a few straggly vegetables and possibly half a cabbage or half a carrot, a can of spam and some noodles. Whereas downtown they might get 30 eggs, some chicken, whole potatoes, carrots, a bottle of oil, and a bag of rice, etc. No matter where you were, you got cabbage.

You can see the differences

In about a week, we went from a few countable supplies, and began needing everything from flour, salt, butter and sugar to bread, meat, and cheese. What we haven’t needed is fresh vegetables. We get those pretty easily from everywhere. But there were other problems, like toilet paper, kitty litter, pee pads for dogs.

At first we tried to get in group chats and order from local grocery stores. They’d take all the orders and deliver in the morning, the problem is, they would open the ordering at a time, like 8pm, and they would stop it after like 100 orders. (5-10 minutes) And they could only give you what they had, maybe just 2-3 things on your list. As a foreigner, I needed a Chinese person to help and write it in Chinese and everything. Luckily, people came out of the woodwork to help. But still, this method was completely hit and miss, and sometimes entire orders would just be canceled.

If I really felt desperate, I would post on my building chat group a list and ask how I could get these things. Bread, potatoes, sugar, salt, etc. Nothing crazy. Then I’d get a knock on the door and it would be on my door step; a loaf of bread from one neighbor, a bag of potatoes from another. It all just showed up.

But I still worried, so I learned to make more than one order of everything from different places because I had had so many canceled orders. This caused a problem, because eventually those orders all came in and we ended up with ten loaves of bread, ten pounds of butter, ten pounds of cheese, ten pounds of flour, 60 eggs, cases of pop, and enough water to last a month. We went for weeks without any of these things and now we have way too much. We have cases of ice cream, chocolate, about eight 14-roll packages of toilet paper. It was all by accident from these group buy offers. No one was canceling anymore. Luckily, I have two refrigerators with big freezers, and a huge pantry.

Actually, I’ve been sharing with my building and neighbors too. And now when we get a government box, I usually just give it all to the old people in my building. We can also get these special “boxes” from my usual grocery story. Essential boxes, brunch boxes, splurge boxes, housekeeping, etc. If I could be one of the first 100, or whatever, I’d get one. One came with 24 Belgian beers. I don’t drink beer, so my building loved that. (I did keep two because I might learn to make beer cheese soup.

Ok, so getting supplies took up about 90 percent of my waking hours. Other time was taken by testing. Every other day we do home testing, and the next day we do testing building by building outside. For some reason our building is always first. Oh, to get an idea of where I live, it’s a really quiet, gated community of 59 buildings, each has18 floors, and four apartments per floor. But it looks like a park, and grounds are really beautiful. Being locked in the compound still gives room to ride a bike, walk until your tired, sit on a park bench with your lazy dog and watch people. But for two weeks, we weren’t even allowed to leave our apartments.  I believe that was lifted today. Still, I’ve managed to take Pumpkin for a walk everyday.

And now I’ve just gotten a message that they’ve found 3 new cases, so add another 14 days to today. Those three have been “transferred.” Our building has been clean throughout this; no cases. But I have made a plan with the girls. If one of them tests positive, I will go with them to the hospital, and the other will stay home. The building and other foreign teachers will help them. If I get sick, they stay home. If we all get sick, I need someone to take care of our dogs. But we are so crazy careful, I hope we don’t have to worry about it.

Our school has been fantastic! They send us care packages. They are constantly checking on our mental health. They are trying to keep up with the original schedule, so we’ve had our charity run, but it was in place at home.Raine dropped her new phone and it doesn’t work right now. Luckily Rumi has her old one. They also have field trip coming up, so it will be virtual. I love how they are doing things! I chaperone fifth grade so I get to go to Xi’an! I always wanted to go there and see the Terra Cotta soldiers. I’m quite excited about that.

I’ve gone through a range of emotions. I think I was in shock and survival mode, then exhaustion and depression, then, disillusioned and surreal, now finally, I have a bit of clarity and I’m ok. The girls, on the other hand seriously seem to love it. They’re doing especially well in school with everything. Outside of that, it’s a lot of creativity: playing music, learning new instruments, painting and drawing. They’re crushing it.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I no longer need to get up at 6am to try to get things. I got some time to answer. Oh, and this week is our nine year Chinaversary. Nine years!

As you might remember, we live in Pudong.

Meme dump!

Of course there are a lot of memes going around about this. So I thought I’d share some. Also, I thought I’d say that I learned something. There’s a window from about 6:00-6:20 am where you can order things on line from a handful of sites. It’s like a lottery. If you can get in, you’re good. If not, try again the next day.

Ok, on to the meme dump…

This is the food we were given by the government. I live in Pudong. We got two packages in 30 days. Other districts got four packages in 10-14 days. I think they’re just leaving us to starve.

This is an actual article sent around.

My weather report that day.

This is like that 6am window, or when your building wants to buy something together.

They send around these tiered graphs, but they mean nothing

This is just sad

So we’re trying to stay light. In fact, in my complex on Friday night, there was a techno light show and concert in our courtyard with Baymax dancing and everyone at their windows watching and cheering. I have videos, but I can’t post them here I guess.

It’s been interesting…

Oh my goodness –do I have some stories for you! Yes, I try to write at least once a month, and I’m really lagging, but wow! Ok, so let’s start with COVID, the uninvited friend who doesn’t seem to know how to make an exit. Shanghai has suddenly had a HUGE influx of cases. It started with 30 something, then 76, then it was doubling and doubling, until we’re now over 800 I think.

At school, when the number of cases was still in the 70’s, the government decided that they would start testing entire schools. At first, they did this randomly and you didn’t know when they were coming or how long it would take. We heard stories from our friends at other schools who were locked in the school until their tests came back. Yeah, they were sleeping there on the floor.

Then, on a Thursday night we got an emergency urgent text telling us that we needed a special QR code on our phones because we were going to be tested the next day. Most of the foreign teachers couldn’t get the code because the instructions were in Chinese, and when we got translated ones, it didn’t help much. This provided hours of frustration because I had to get them for the girls too. It didn’t happen. I gave up and waited until morning when I could have Cassie help me.

At 11:30 pm, we received another urgent text. I was only up because of the frustrating-not-getting-the-code thing. This text told us to pack a bag and prepare to “camp out.” Now we had been carrying extra toothbrushes and stuff, since we heard about the other schools, at least ours had warning. We were even encouraged to bring snacks, movies, pillows, etc. The school purchased sleeping bags but wasn’t sure if they would make it in time.

Friday at school, everyone had their bags. Attendance was down by about a third, but some students lived in complexes that were already locked down. I thought about leaving the girls home too, but I thought it would be better to not be separated. We put the dogs in the enclosed patio so that they wouldn’t be locked up in cages for two days. Previously, five of us teachers started a group so that if one of us got quarantined, someone would go to their house and get their animals, but if we’re all at school, there is no one to do that.

Cassie helped me get all the QR codes, and we just waited. By lunchtime, we were told the hospital was overwhelmed and they couldn’t come until Saturday, so we could all go home at normal time. We were all expected to come on Saturday and go home as soon as it was over. The students would stagger in oldest to youngest, with teachers last.

But, like everything, it didn’t exactly happen that way. I needed to be in at 9:20, then Rumi at 9:30, and Raine at 10:00. The hospital was still overwhelmed. They moved it to 11:00. By 10:00, the entire middle school is there, which wasn’t how it was supposed to be. All of the students were sitting in the cafeteria waiting, and we were told it would be ANOTHER hour, so they decided to show them a movie while we waited. It was a very graphic documentary about the doctors at the beginning of COVID. Rumi found it fascinating.

The students had snacks and board games at the same time as the movie. I have to say, they were really well-behaved. Meanwhile, the primary students begin arriving on time. They mostly had outdoor play time, because it’s Saturday, and no one had a plan. They, too, were really well-behaved. The cafeteria ladies got a quick snack together at snack time, AND a lunch for everyone that was completely unplanned because we were supposed to be home before lunch. All the students ate in their classrooms.

While we were still waiting, we got the message that all schools, city-wide will be going on-line that coming Monday. Finally, the testers arrived, and the tests started after lunch. The kids packed up their things and cleared out their lockers and went home after they were tested. I got home at 4:30. It was a full day –unpaid.

I didn’t mention that I’ve been subbing for a third-grade class since February because their teacher had to go back to Australia for emergency medical leave. I am so out of my element. And now I’m doing it online. This week I taught binary coding in IT class, along with the speed, distance, and time in Math, we germinated seeds in science, and we’re doing climate change in social studies. If I didn’t have these, I’m not sure what I would be doing online as a librarian. My students are so smart though.

The next day, Sunday, our complex went into 14-day lockdown. On Sunday, my landlord told me, but at 2am, people in hazmat suits pounded on my door. I don’t know exactly what they wanted except to tell us that we can’t leave. That was jarring to say the least. Apparently, this means there is at least one confirmed case.

That Monday, we’re told to start online school, and my complex would all be tested: day 1, 2, 4, 7, and 14. Day 7 got canceled because the hospital was too overwhelmed to send staff, so we got tested on day 8 and 9. On day 8, deliveries stopped, and things were closed. This is about the point that I had a meltdown. All I wanted was something sweet, that’s it, and I just started crying. I suddenly couldn’t handle life.

I know this is a first world problem. I know babies are being killed in Ukraine. I know not being able to have a piece of cake or a cup of coffee is nothing. I’m not saying I was rational. However, there was more to it. Our good friends, The Clarks, who were our family for nine years now, got their plane tickets. They flew out yesterday. We couldn’t even say goodbye. Well, we did facetime while they were in the car heading to the airport right past our house.

The weekend before the big school testing, we all went to a big art museum with two special shows: Egyptian Mummies from the British Museum, and Impressionists from The Met. It was a fabulous show and a fabulous day that ended with dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Rumi took amazing pictures and I’m really happy this was our last outing together, but I’m still processing our loss.

Rumi’s amazing photography

Just for perspective, we went from that to this.

The Obituary of a Relationship

I want to talk about a relationship.  Not about a person, or two people but the uniqueness of a very special relationship. 

When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend the whole time.  Never had to worry about having a date to a dance, or going out on a Friday night, or who I was going to kiss at New Years.  If I had a day off of school for parent teacher conferences or something, I would go to his college classes with him, and hang out for the day in Akron. 

I remember one time I was in a macroeconomics class.  I suck at math, so I was sure this one would be over my head.  The teacher was this not very tall, very scruffy with a full beard, guy with a heavy accent that I didn’t not recognize with my white bread upbringing. 

He explained things so well, that when my boyfriend and I had lunch, I said to him, “I understood everything. Give me a problem, and I can do it.” He laughed and slid his homework paper to me and I proceeded to do several problems before his next class.

That was in 1986.  Let’s jump to 1988.  I was involved in my universities International Programs. I lived in the international dorm, and I was the head of a few committees.  One title was event planner.  We had small events like coffee hours and huge events like conferences with other universities, and cultural festivals. 

I had a picture of me at a party with a group of good friends that we had made that year.  Some were from Ohio State or Akron U, and us from BG.  I knew everyone in the picture except the guy standing next to me.  We were dressed almost the same.  White button-down shirt, grey vest, and baggy black pants.  I asked a couple of my friend who he was, and no one seemed to know anything other than maybe he was Vinod’s friend.  I folded him out of the picture when I put in my photo album.

A few years later, Vinod had finished his PhD, got an awesome job in Cleveland, and bought a huge house in Aurora.  He invited a few of us over for dinner to see it.  It was the biggest house I’d ever been in.  The dinner was catered Indian food.  I ended up sitting next to the guy in that picture, so I asked him his name.  Guru. 

He and I hung out like crazy. I don’t know what it was, we just did. Everyone said “He’s so dark, and quiet.” I thought he was just philosophical. He had always wanted to get into yoga, so we went to our first class together. It was a drop in class in Hudson. We went every Wednesday and then to Yours Truly for a light dinner after. He wanted to go camping, so we went camping. He bought a BMW motorcycle and we rode, and rode and rode. All those country roads on the far east side were well-traveled by us.

We would go to some desolate field or park, lay out a blanket, just watch the stars forever, and talk about Doors lyrics, Osho books, or just stay quiet. He quoted both, all the time.

One time, we went to the Geauga county fair, kind of by accident.  It was there, so we turned in.  We were walking around eating a pretzel or whatever, and he said, “I bet you $100 that I can go all evening without wanting to touch you.”  I thought that was weird because we didn’t really touch.  I mean riding the motorcycle, or laying on the blanket, or watching movies, but nothing romantic.  So we were walking through the horse barn and he handed me $100.  For a second, I was confused, and then I got it.  “I didn’t make it.” He said.  And I just laughed kind of confused.  Then I watched When Harry Met Sally, and understood everything.

One time Vinod had a HUGE Indian party at his house with live band and everything.  It was incredible.  Someone lent me their sari, and wrapped me properly.  Then I had some jewelry from the last time Guru went to India and brought it back for me.  I was decked out for this party.  So decked out, that people I had known for years, had no idea who I was.

One time there was a HUGE New Years party, but Guru was in India for his father’s death. I ate some samosas and got horribly, violently ill. I threw up and then dry heaved for about 13 hours, all the while paralyzed, but I could hear. This is when I found out how allergic to curry I was. Julie took care of me. At this point, I had my own bedroom in the house, and also, so extra clothes. She got me out of my clothes, and changed. Called my mom, who told her to give me a benedryl (which I always carried in my purse), and I was completely fine in about an hour. But I had completely ruined Guru’s mattress, and they had to throw it out.

Guru had his mother come visit that spring.  He asked me to teach her English, so began my career of ESL teaching.  One time, he called me late at night and asked me to come over.  “I think my mom has Malaria.  I need to take her to the ER.  Can you come with me?’  One time he had to take her to Chicago Airport, “Can you come with me?”  He had to go to Athens, Georgia in a day, “Can you come with me?”  I never said no.

One time he had to go to Amish country for some event nearby.  Of course, I went.  I loved Amish country.  We stayed in this adorable B&B in the middle of nowhere, and then we went to a Sikh Diwali event. 

We went to lots of Indian events and parties.  He brought me back clothes and Jewelry from his trips to India just for these occasions.  I loved the dancing, music, and the food.

One time, the dentist gave me some penicillin type of medicine for my tooth and I broke out in hives, all over my body. It was horribly uncomfortable. I remember calling him and asking him if I could take an oatmeal bath in this big deep round tub. I could sit immersed to my chin and feel relief. He kept coming in to check on me. He couldn’t see anything because of the oatmeal, but it made me a little uncomfortable. But when I got out, I was so much better, and we watched When Harry Met Sally, and drank smoothies. We would quote that movie for years.

We used to take his motorcycle to Blossom to see different concerts.  The first was Harry Connick Jr.  The concert was amazing, but so was the torrential lightening and thunderstorm at the end.  I was sure we were going to die on the way home.  It usually took 45 minutes, but it took us over three hours that night.  We were soaked to the bone, but couldn’t stop celebrating the fact that we were alive.

We practiced all these new meditations he would read about.  There were so many big, peaceful rooms in that house.  We could meditate, he’d play the tublas, and we’d drink mango lassis.  He said. “Shakespeare said, ‘all the world’s a stage and we are but mere players.’  What do you think about that?”

I thought for quite a while and said, “I don’t want to be a player, I want to be a director!”  He laughed so hard at that.

Then my brother was getting married, and I asked him to be my date to the wedding.  At the same time, he asked me to make a resume for him for a new job.  As I was typing some things up, I see he has down that he was a macroeconomics teacher at Akron U.

“That is so weird!” I told him. “I sat in this macroeconomics class in 1986, and the teacher was amazing!  I really understood what he trying to teach.  Maybe you know him.  He had a really heavy accent and a thick beard.  He smiled, left the room, and came back with his Akron U ID.  That teacher was him!  He had just arrived, so his accent was still heavy, and apparently facial hair was his thing at the time.  He was the same age as his students, so he wanted to appear older.

You can imagine going to my brother’s wedding was strange.  My ex-boyfriend from high school was in the wedding also, and here I am showing up with his teacher.

The most unusual part of this relationship was how we would learn new things about tantra or the kama sutra, and plan to practice them.  The first time he brought it up, we were in a car going breakfast, and planning a trip to a state park.  He said he had just read about some new technique, and I said, I guess we should practice it.  His whole face changed.  He never in a million years expected that.  

That New Years, he got invited to a party at the house of a coworker from his new job.  He asked me to go with him, so I did.  The party was all women.  He was the only man invited.  I’m pretty sure they didn’t expect him to bring a date.  I was at least ten years younger than the youngest of them, and every woman in that room was not happy that I was there.  He whispered in my ear that we should say we have to leave early, to which I quickly agreed.  We went back to his house, and that night, is when we finally started the romantic part of our relationship. 

I lived in Cleveland, and he lived out in Aurora, so he actually decided to move after a while.  He had to go back to India for month, and arranged for me to meet him in NYC when he came back around New Years Eve.  We had such a better time, than I did when I went with friends in July a few years earlier. 

One time, he want to try camping.  We both brought single tents.  By the time we got down to Wolf Run State Park, it was pouring and dark.  He bet me $5 he would have his tent up and be helping me before I could get mine up.  I was inside, and dry in 5 minutes insisting that I don’t help him.  I think it took him about 20 more minutes.

On usual days, I was working 3 jobs, and he had his one medical statistics job.  I’d come home to watch the baseball game, and he’d be making dinner.  We’d laugh at the role-reversal. 

He was away for a week running a marathon in Virginia Beach, and I was raped, in my house, in my pajamas. I didn’t leave that spot on the floor until he came home. I don’t know how long. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. He just sat with his arm around me for a long time. We were so ok with just being quiet.

We didn’t have problems coming or going. I went to Alaska and Arizona, he went to India, and Paris. For one Valentine’s Day, he had a conference in Philadelphia, so he brought me for those few days.  We did all the touristy things, and it was perfect.

We went camping all the time, meditated together, took our yoga classes, shared books, cooked good food, shared big secrets, went jogging, and just explored all these paths together.  I learned in a meditation, that I had known him in a past life, and that our lives had intertwined more than once.  He believed that he picked Akron University so randomly, that it was actually to find me.

And then, he lost his job.  I was still working three jobs and finishing my degree at Cleveland State.  He was constantly trying to start some new business, and I Tried to help him and support in as much as possible, but I watched him become a kind of conman.  It became toxic.  He’d take his unemployment money and buy designer jeans, cologne, and leather shoes, but not pay any bills.

Then, he started sitting in on my Personal transformation classes.  It’s like someone sitting in on your therapy.  It was horrible and uncomfortable for me.  I finally asked Dr. Royster to ask him not to come.  That’s when Dr. Royster taught me a new word, “disservice.” Guru was doing a disservice to me.

And then he cheated on me, lied, became violent, and I kicked him out of his new penthouse apartment.  Just left his stuff outside the door.  His car got repossessed as he was trying to get his stuff.

I needed a huge cleanse from that.  That New Years, my closest girlfiends and I all rented a cabin. I burned his stuff and my rage and resolved that this would be our last lifetime together.

Then I graduated, joined Peace Corps, and came back, and became a social worker.  Great job, new car, beautiful apartment.  And he found me, on some social media.  I don’t think it was Facebook in 2002.  He was writing a book and he needed an editor.  I invited him over, and felt nothing, so I said I could do it.

For three years, I was his editor, PR person, and basically, his girl Friday.  He actually called me that.  His mother lived with him, and she hated me.  She was afraid he would marry an American (not even knowing that we had dated for 8 years). 

We would go all around to promote his book, meditation, and yoga classes. My favorite place was Lakeside. He had a friend who was chef there. We also went to all the Indian programs that he organized as the president of the Indian Community Association. Every India indepence day, holiday and musical group was on my social calender.

One New Years, neither of us had anything else to do, so we drove around Clevleand looking at the lights, and then came back to his place and watched an Eddie Izzard special. It was the first time I had ever seen him, and I laughed so hard at “cake or death” that I fell off the couch. We quoted him for a long time after too.

One time he was in Paris on business, and he asked me find him a new apartment.  One time he called to see how everything was going.  He called me everyday.  This day, I was in the Asian grocery store buying stuff for green Thai curry that he loved, for when he came home.

“How was yoga this morning.?”  He asked.  Rita was teaching that morning.

“I didn’t go today.” I told him. 

“You know what? You’re a waste!  Just drop my house key off.  Forget it.  Forget everything.” He said angrily. As he was saying it, I started putting the groceries back. I didn’t let him get to me anymore.

“Ok.” I said matter of factly, hung up, and on my way home I left his key in the mailbox. 

I didn’t go to that yoga class because I was on the phone all night with my soon to be husband.  I went to five different yoga classes a week. Eventually, Guru wanted my help for something and called me again. I think he hated that he needed me.

After I got married, Guru’s mom was suddenly ok with me, and Guru and my husband got on like brothers.  Guru had a health food store and my husband helped him with growing wheatgrass and stuff.  They did a radio program together.  It was weird.  Then Guru got an arranged marriage.

We lived in the same neighborhood now, and all hung out again, like old times. He loved our children.  He used to pop over and I swear, he forgot it was my house.  He was there to hang out with my husband or play with my kids.

When my husband and I separated, I had to got to government offices to apply for child support and daycare vouchers.  Guru happened to stop over with his wife. I asked if they could babysit.  I was just heading out, and I could take the girls with me, but it would be easier if they could just watch them for an hour.  They were happy to.  “Its sure weird to be here without him around.”  He said, as if he mourned my ex.  I ran my errands and came home to my youngest sitting in the high chair with a whole apple in front of her. She didn’t even have teeth!  It made me think back to the time I was sick, and he made me Campbell’s soup, without adding water.  I’m glad we didn’t procreate.  He would’ve driven me crazy!

Then, I got divorced, and got cancer, recovered, and moved to China.  He got divorced too.

He sank into some deep debt, shady deals, and messed up conman stuff again.  We didn’t really keep in touch when I left, I heard that through friends.  Just like last night, when I heard through a friend that he had died.  He’d been in the ICU for several weeks, and Covid finally took him. 

As I checked his Facebook page, I saw that he was anti-mask and anti-vaccine.  He always thought he was smarter than doctors.  He was like a snake oil salesman pushing alternatives.  Which is probably why he stayed away from me when I had cancer. 

I’m much sadder than I thought I would be.  I guess I’ve technically known him for 35 years.  I’m still in the shock part of grief, but I also know that I put it in to place that that is it for us.  Osho said that love and hate are two sides of the same coin.  Indifference is the opposite of love.  I’ve been working for years to reach that indifference.

Please, PLEASE, wear a mask! Get vaccinated! Please don’t make others write obituaries and mourn not just people, but times, eras, all these memories. I have no one else on this planet who knows these things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like night and day

I can finally write about my new school! Do you want to know why? I’m finally free! I had court on Sept. 28th, and I won! It was an awesome thing. I was either going to win a lot of money or get my papers. And they were either going to lose a lot of money, or give me my papers. My friend and I were at court early. They sent the sister of the owner of my old school. She was always a mean, gruff kind of lady. You could tell the judge knew my case. She looked at me like she totally understood before we even began.

She looked over at them and said, “Is she your employee or not?” This was kind of a trick question. If she said “yes,” she owes me three months salary. If she said “no,” she owes me severance. Then the judge sent them out of the room. She said to my translating friend that she understands that I just want my papers, but that it’s not in her jurisdiction. Money is her jurisdiction. However, she could tell them that either they pay me some huge amount of money, or give me my papers. I quickly agreed. Then she sent us out and brought them in. They chose to give me my papers. This is only the first step of a month-long process of changing visas and becoming “official,” but to be fair, this first step could have been taken way back in July without court involvement and everything. Apparently, my old school needed to be petty. It was scary going to court in a different country and different language, but so worth it.

I have never, ever seen the girls so happy! They are both very challenged. Especially in Math and Science, but they have Art, Music, Drama, Choir, Soccer, Literature and Humanities that they love. Do you know what else they have? Chinese as a second language! You should hear them talking about the weather and other things at the dinner table.

This school is ideal. There are no dorms. Everyone goes home. They have homework, but never anything over-whelming. They have an hour of free time during school when they can play outside, read in the library, sit with their friends in the grass, whatever they want. Do you know what Rumi and her friends do? They often play the grand piano in the lobby at that time.

All the while, I’m in the center of the school, in the beautiful library. I love it so much! I have a great co-worker. I get free lattes all day. I’m typing this on my brand-new laptop. I have a lot of responsibilities, but I love them all. Planning and preparing for Book Week, organizing an on-line reading program for the Primary School kids, ordering books (because we have a budget), creating teachers accounts with the textbook company so they can take advantage of the resources available, writing newsletter articles, so many things –and I LOVE IT!

The building and campus, are absolutely stunning. Everything is clean, kept up, and perfect. Even the bathrooms are cleaner than my own and they fold the TP every time so you know it’s been cleaned. The more we look around, the more we realize how dark, dingy and uncomfortable the old school was. It was constantly dirty, and nothing was ever fixed. Oh, and though I’m on the 1st floor here, there is elevator for teachers. Although Rumi is pretty proud of the Abs she’s building up by all the stairs, rowing, and running around.

Every month there is a special event, and a house event. The special event is like, book week, Humanities week, and Charity Week. The House Events are PE events like tug of war, dodge ball, and field day. Each student is in a “house” that is not their classroom but related to other students in other classes and grades. They are all named after colors and animals. I’m a Brown Bear, Rumi is a Red Eagle and Raine is a Green Tiger. I suppose we should all be the same, but it’s ok, because we have 3 teams to cheer for.

But let me tell you about my best day ever. One day in October, my coworker said that I need to go to the foreign bookstore to buy books to stock our library. She said I had 100,000 RMB budget. (about $17,000). Can you imagine? I was treated like a VIP. I filled crate after crate. By 1pm, I was tired and decided to go for lunch. I had only spent 42,000 so far! The store took me out for lunch. I told them that I would come back on another day, because I just couldn’t stand any longer. I felt like I bought every book, every series, everything I could find already. What an amazing day! Some people like shoe shopping, or electronics shopping, or whatever. Getting paid to go book shopping was a dream.

The girls are pushing their comfort zones. Rumi participated in a Chess Tournament without knowing how to play. I had to tell her the basics in one night, and she won! She also volunteered to do a public speaking event about personal responsibility in front of the middle school, and she’s just doing fabulous in all of her classes. Raine is taking soccer. She never played a sport before and her team has won every game. She’s also in a special art group after school. She’s also doing fabulous. Did I mention that this amazing school, has an SED teacher who is an expert in dyslexia? She helps Raine everyday, and that’s why she is doing so well.

On a different note, our time with the Clarks is dwindling. We have had get togethers, and sleep-overs, and movie marathons galore, trying to ignore the impending clock. Well, last Sunday, they came for lunch, and we surprised them with an all out Thanksgiving/Christmas. House –completely decked out. Started with a tea brunch, then Christmas movies, then presents, then thanksgiving dinner. We haven’t even had a Christmas tree for about 4 years. Our house looks like Christmas exploded! It’s been wonderful having the house all Christmassy. This year, I can even buy presents. The girls want bikes. (I think they want to bike to the ocean). How have we lived in Asia for 10 years and not seen the ocean?

Ok, Here’s the story…

I’ve been quiet for a while, waiting for things to settle or work out.  I’m past that now, and now I think I need to say what’s happening.

As, I’ve said before, I wasn’t looking for another job, and I was pretty happy where I was.  But an agent came to me with an offer I couldn’t even believe, so I checked it out.  (Actually, she came to me with about eight offers, but I wasn’t really looking to change).  This offer was to be a school librarian for twice the salary I was making, PLUS the girls could both go to school for free, getting paid for 12 months not 10, plus a host of other benefits including a free, new, laptop and free coffee all day everyday (my two personal favorites).  It should be said that because of Rumi’s leg problem turning into a scoliosis problem, and physical therapy costing about $125 a pop, I cannot say “no” to more money.

So, I did what any sane person would do, and I gave my school my 30-day’s notice, and started planning for my new job, like moving across town, etc.  Here’s where it gets sticky.  I had coffee with my old supervisor and gave him the news and the letter of resignation.  He was shocked, and said the school would probably fight it and I would owe like $6000 for leaving in the middle of a contract, and that the school always wins.  Then, he went on vacation, so I didn’t hear anything.  

In the meantime, I looked at new apartments, and started getting excited about this big opportunity, because I knew that those threats were illegal.  I even met a new co-worker who is from my hometown, and he has two boys who my girls’ ages! We found a great apartment in a complex next to the school. Doors were opening up like crazy.  

Except one.  My old supervisor got back from vacation, and I asked him how the paperwork was going, because I need certain documents to go to another job.  He said he lost the resignation, and that he “forgot” to turn it in.  So, I typed up a new one, dated from the date I talked to him, and sent it to HR myself, and gave him a copy.  They said that Dr. Lin, the owner of Xiwai, had to approve it.  (It’s a notice, not a request, so that was ridiculous).

Of course, he didn’t “approve” it, and they said that the contract says I have to give 90 days notice. The contract does say that, but that’s illegal too. According to the law, I only need 30 days.  It also says I would owe some fee, but that’s also illegal.  Mostly they are mad because I am giving my 30 days rather than waiting until the contract ends, and right now with COVID it’s next to impossible for them to find a replacement.  But, I told them on July 18th, so they really had plenty of time before school started again.  

At one point, the head of HR at Xiwai called me and spent about 13 minutes threatening me with everything from blacklisting me at the Foreign Expert Bureau to deportation.  Then, she asked me to stay to avoid all that.  I asked her, “who would want to stay after being threatened like that?”  Then she quickly said, “Oh, forget all that, we can work on trying to help your girls…” I am positive there is nothing they could say that could match what I was offered.

I turned in my keys on August 19th, my 30th day. Of course, my papers weren’t waiting for me. They said they were closed down for COVID, but I know a number of teachers were there to see HR people that day.

So here it is September 11th, and I still don’t have my release papers or my visa cancelation certificate so that I can work at this new school legally.  Luckily, they are willing to wait, and they let my daughters start school on time.  They might be even more willing to wait because Xiwai is fighting so hard to keep me from leaving.  I also don’t possess my work permit, which I also found out is illegal.  They have it.  This has caused lost of trouble for me trying to file with Labor Arbitration.  

But I did file.  In fact, I spent about 4 days in about 8 government offices running around trying to figure out who’s job it is to uphold the law and help me get my papers.  Honestly, the system doesn’t know how the system works, hence, all the running around.  I have good friends who have been helping me and advising me and a legal advisor helping me with technical stuff. Shanghai has a Government hotline, and my friend found out exactly how the process should go.

Arbitration really only likes to deal with money issues, and I didn’t have one until August 31st when Xiwai didn’t pay me. So, Xiwai possesses all of my documents and they didn’t pay me; the list of broken laws is growing. Xiwai, doesn’t really pay in the summer. They give us the minimum they can which is about $800/month. This is worth more to me that they didn’t pay, because now arbitration will take the case.

Arbitration, has now sent it to court.  Yes, I’m going to court to try to get 3 documents from Xiwai, so I can move on.  One strange twist is that when I left Arbitration, they said that my earliest court date would be at least 6 months from now, but I got a certified letter saying that it is September 28th.  Everyone is taking that as a good sign.  

However, it’s like breaking off a toxic relationship when the other would rather do harm to you than let you go.  The main thing Xiwai keeps saying is that if I leave easily, than everyone will want to leave. –Seriously, everyone from my old supervisor to HR, to everyone has said that.  To which I replied, “if you had a work environment that no one would want to leave, you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

I have so much support right now it’s crazy! It’s kind of like when I had cancer and people just came out of the woodwork to help. However, I haven’t been paid since June, and I need thoughts and prayers that I can just be a legal employee of my new school as soon as possible. If you can help me with that, I would appreciate it so much!

The ups and downs of spring

I realize that I haven’t written a blog in a long time.  It’s not that there is nothing to say.  It’s just that even though I know lots of people read these, I always feel like I’m writing to my mom.  I mean whatever I wrote, I usually talked to her about it first, but I don’t have that sound board anymore.

I’ll be honest, I’m not taking her death well at all. I know most people may not notice, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been in a bit of a depression. It doesn’t mean that things haven’t been happening. It’s been pretty busy, so I can only get to the highlights.

So, the Clarks have moved out of their apartment and they are just waiting on the Medivac team to be cleared to transport Joe. There have been some snags, and they are looking at weeks now, when we thought it was days. We had a HUGE going away party for them. Actually, they have so many friends that there were several parties. And last weekend, Jodie and I and couple of others made a team for the Annual quiz night. It was so fun! We came in 15th out of about 60 groups, so not bad.

One big going away party downtown.

This year, it was held at a hotel, and the hotel had a pool.  Soooo, I got a room for that night, and my girls and Jodie’s girls went swimming, ordered room service and had girl time while we were down in the ballroom competing.  The hotel was in a nice interesting area completely on the other side of town, about 2 hours away.  I wished we had more time, but we had to leave after breakfast and go to the visa office to get our visas renewed.  

Our awesome team!

This needed to be after I renewed the girls passports. They’re on their third ones already! I amazed to get it done so quickly. But sadly, because of the lack of time, their pictures aren’t the greatest, and they are stuck with them for five years! The consulate told me it would be four weeks before I got them, but it was only seven days! My friend sent me a package (underwear) from America a week before we went for the passports, and it still hasn’t arrived. It’s been well over 5 weeks now.

Lately, we’ve been spending a lot of our time trying to save ALL THE ANIMALS!  I mean seriously, China is not the place for it, because there are so many!  When I was coming home for lunch one day there was this adorable tabby kitten near the door of our building so I called Raine to come bring some cat food down.  Then the next day, and the next day, she’d be there in the morning when I left, and at lunch time.  

Then, one day, the kitten wasn’t there, but there was this itty bitty dog. It looked like an expensive toy dog, but she was dirty and had red bumps on her eyes. Raine fed her and took her to the vet. She has some skin rash that was contagious and he gave us drops for the eyes. Raine gave her a bath at the vet with some special shampoo they let her use. (Raine has a great relationship with this local vet). The puppy was only about 4 months old. Raine kept her isolated in her room until we found the owner. The owner lives on the fourth floor and he keeps this baby out in the hall!

We called her Buttercup, and the kitten, Henrietta.

So we left notes, “If you don’t want this puppy we can find a home for her.” He came to us and said that he did want the puppy, but he appreciated the help. Ok, but every time I was coming or going, the puppy was outside the front door of our building. And one day she came to our door and started howling until we opened it. Each time, Raine isolated her in her room, gave her food, took her for walks etc, until the owner came home late at night. Once day he knocked on our door and handed her over. I thought he was abandoning her, but it was just for the day. Shanghai started a strict leash law on May 1st and they are rounding up all dogs without leashes.

Raine told him she couldn’t keep doing this (especially for free), because she had to wash everything before she could let our dogs in her room.  Also, he didn’t seem to put the drops in her eyes, and they were getting worse.  Well, about a week and half ago, we stopped seeing this puppy.  The owner talked to Raine and said he “lost” her, but I’m sure the police picked her up.  

These are only two of the numerous cats and dogs both girls keep an eye on and feed daily.  They’ve named them all English names, and every animal responds as we walk down the road.

On another front, because Clarks moved, they sent us their piano.  I got it tuned right away, and Rumi plays for hours every single day.  I asked her to try “Carmina Barina,” and she mastered it by the end of the week.  It’s amazing, and I’m in awe.  

Then, the other day, she wanted something chocolate, so she just whipped up a decadent chocolate cake –from scratch.  I told her to take it to youth group or something, but she had no idea how to carry it.  I don’t know how the three of us are going to eat the whole thing, and I’m pretty sure we shouldn’t.

We are never going to finish this!

We’re doing well. We really are. We play games, watch documentaries, go on field trips, eat every meal together, save all the animals, have a house filled with music. It’s been good. They have a lot of independent activities. They’re not home right now, they went to to see the Clark’s for the day. They went to youth group on Saturday. Rumi has a job cat sitting. It’s good. I wish I could be happier.