Kind of like Christmas, but not…

We have had an amazingly uneventful summer filled with checking off “to do” list things, cooking good food, binge watching shows since we could barely watch any TV during the school year, reading, and acquiring things.

See, now is the time when people move, and we have set up internet boards for resale, moving, and freecycling for expats.  Here’s a big Chinese thing:  they think the idea of buying or getting second-hand things is horrible, and would never do it.  We, expats, like to save money anyway we can.  I have managed to get both girls new bikes that fit them, and I got Rumi a real Olympus camera all for next to nothing.  I’ve also gotten myself two shelves, one for books, and one for the kitchen.  We’ve gotten towels and hangers, and all kind of things.  Plus, all of the clothes everyone is just giving away.  All of us have gotten lots of clothes and shoes.  It’s been feeling a bit like Christmas.

Also, on the expat boards, I’ve been looking at everyone’s vacation pictures, from Tibet, Turkey, Australia, New Zealand, Morocco, The Philippines, England, Ireland, South Africa and so many places, my eyes have become a bit a green.  I wish I didn’t have to work during the summer, and I could go places.  I am in the middle of 12 straight days of work.  Not full days, but I do have to get up early and walk in 100 degree hot and humid weather with my umbrella, and walk back in the same.  The wind has already wrecked 2 umbrellas.

Our friends, the Clarks, have been in New Zealand and Australia for about a month.  They have been sending us pictures, and videos of everywhere they go and things they’ve been doing.  Sometimes, they show us things and give us clues and we have to guess.  That’s been kind of fun.

Two of my co-workers have had babies this week and one got married.  It’s been eventful for everyone.  On a sad and reflective note, I’ve also had two high school classmates die this week.  They were really good people with families and really loved by all who knew them.  If I were home, this week would have been filled with wakes for me.

And Stephen had to close his pizza shop.  His brother had a family emergency in Tienjin, and he’s been away from his family for five years, so he had to go.  Stephen cannot run it and teach (He was mostly financial help, his brother was the chef).  And their dad, who helped a lot, has gone back to Canada for medical issues.  So, they closed.  No more good pizza in the neighborhood.  It was kind of cool for me, because I saw their idea become a reality, step by step.  I’m sad to see it go.

Everyone’s going to go back to school and talk about their great adventures, and I can say, “well, I finally cleaned behind the couch and caught up on Stranger Things.

On a different note…

On a completely different topic…Something very different.   I’ve never talked about this, but the last time I went on a date (with my ex-husband) was April 10, 2010.  It was a very nice date, but the next day we separated (much to my shock) and I haven’t had time or even wanted to look at another man again.

To be clear, not because of him.  A few months after we separated, I got stage four cancer.  I was sick for a year, and of course not interested.  I am a single mother, so too busy.  And maybe even more, I got married at like 37 or something.  By then I probably had 35 boyfriends, maybe 6-8 serious relationships.  And that phase was over.  I learned what I needed to learn.  I mostly had very good experiences.  So it all feels unnecessary.

Some years ago, the girls wanted me to date.  Mostly, they wanted someone rich and strong.  That way I could stay home with them, and he could do heavy stuff we can’t do.  At least that’s what they thought.  I don’t think they think that way anymore.

So I have been subbing at my old job, trying to make up for not being paid this summer.  I ate at Starbucks because it’s hard to find good salads and I love a good salad.  Usually, I eat with Stephen, but I didn’t see him, so I went there by myself.

As I was in line, (because it was a weekend). I noticed the foreigners around.  Rumi likes to count and keep track of them in a day, so I thought I might report to her later.  There were 2 handsome men behind me.  When I sat down with my salad and coffee, they sat down next me and started talking.  This is common for expats.  We can speak English.  “Hey, where are you from?”  “How long have you been here?” That kind of stuff.  We started talking about all kinds of things, sharing pictures and wechat info and then I had to go.  One of them walked with me part way, and asked me out.  I was sure he was kidding and didn’t answer.  I just went to work.

The next day he sent me a message asking me out again; specifically for Wednesday at 4.  I said ok.  Before, at Starbucks we talked about dating and relationships (very passively) and I said I was completely not interested.  Again, I told him I was not interested but Stephen said I should get out once in a while and chill in a grown-up way, so I followed his advice (against my better judgment).

Wednesday came around, and I woke up early like usual, and did the dishes, the laundry, the floors and took care of the pets, and time got away from me.  It’s was almost 3 and I hadn’t showered yet.  I texted him asking where exactly in the mall we should meet, and I jumped in the shower.  Came out, and no answer. I’m not walking out in 100 degree weather without knowing the destination.  I sat on the couch, and fell asleep.  Could not keep my eyes open for anything.  I hear a message come in, saying he’s stuck downtown and he didn’t know how long it would take.  Could we make it tomorrow at 6?  This message was 26 minutes after we were supposed to meet.  Again, I wanted to say no, but I thought I should see this through.

Thursday rolls around, and for me, it’s very much the same.  Filled the early morning and afternoon with all this housework and hadn’t even eaten a thing by 3.  I get a message saying he got off of work early and could I meet him now.  WTH!  I am a mother with children.  I don’t jump because you are available.  I reminded him that he said 6 and I hadn’t eaten or showered yet.  He said we would have dinner.  Which is fine, but I can’t walk to the mall on an empty stomach.  Anyway, I go around 4-4:30.  We meet at Starbucks again and have coffee.  I’m wearing a summer dress, new sandals, painted toe nails, and he’s wearing a basketball jersey and shorts.

He asks me if I want something to eat there, and I say no, because I was thinking I want dinner, not a snack.  We talk a bit about various topics and I start to notice some things.  He spent over twenty minutes telling me how important it is to evaluate students, and different ways you need to that.  I’m sitting there wondering why he’s mansplaining to me.  I could barely get a word in anytime he talked but then I told him I had been a teacher trainer for Khon Kaen province in Thailand and I taught teachers (in Thai) how to evaluate students and teach to their strengths.

Then he started telling me what I need in a relationship, specifically in a physical relationship.  At this point, I was pretty sure we weren’t getting dinner, and was thinking about what I could pick up somewhere, because he is obviously full of himself.  Why does he think he knows what I need physically when he can overlook that I’m hungry.  I told him I hadn’t eaten before I arrived, but I realized he didn’t really listen to me.

Then, the last straw, swear to God, he told me he loved me.  I laughed out loud.  It echoed off the walls.  He insisted he wasn’t lying.  Then he said he had to go meet a friend who was in town for today.  (it’s 6, by now, which was when we were supposed to meet).  And asked to walk back with me, which meant I wasn’t picking up food.

We walked to the front of my complex and he asked if he could see me at my apartment Monday afternoon so that he could meet my girls.  I said I need to think about it, and he  and I went in two different directions from there.

I messaged him later to say this wasn’t going to work.  He was clearly interested in a physical relationship and I was not.  That’s all I said.  I didn’t bring up anything else.  And it is confirmed.  I prefer being single.

I told Stephen about it and he took me out for a 7 course steak dinner.  We had a lovely conversation about podcasts, families and food.  He said, “This is how it should have been.”  He’s so Canadian.  He feels the need to apologize for others.