Random thoughts of insomnia

I have been taking my thyroid medicine regularly. This was a problem, because the radiation killed my thyroid. I neither like taking a medication regularly, nor am I good at it. But I have been making a very good effort. Here’s the problem, One side effect is insomnia. Hence the reason why I am up at 4am, typing this. I wake up tired, I’m a zombie all day, and I feel like I never get enough sleep. This is why I have been away from the computer –especially social networks. I watch documentaries, but the computer might keep me up more.

Add that to having food poisoning for over five days now, and it’s a horror movie of hours in the bathroom and zombie-like work days. My new nanny got me medicine and made me rice soup, and it works for the symptoms, but as soon as the medicine wears off, I’m running again. I ate solid food for the first time yesterday, and didn’t think I would make it back home.

I got my hair cut for the first time in about two years. I’m always fearful that they won’t understand, and I’ll come out with a pixie. I took a Chinese co-worker with me to tell them what I wanted. The salon next to my work gives us a 50% discount. It was fabulous! In fact they spent an hour just styling it (trying to get me to get a perm). It was all of five dollars. I may go there every week just to have them wash my hair and massage my head.

The weather has been schizophrenic. Yesterday was 88 and today said 72, but I think it was lower. Still, one thing about Shanghai weather that I love is that fall lasts until about New Years, then January and February are Winter, then it’s spring until about the Middle of July.

Everyday, when I walk to work, I blog in my head about how much I love living here. It’s kind of like being married. It’s not perfect, and there are those few things that can really annoy you. I dated a guy once who had an annoying laugh, but I loved him anyway. I dated a guy who lacked confidence, but was perfect in every other way. China’s kind of like this. I hate the noise pollution. It’s a big city. It’s noisy. But it’s so much better where I live now. I hate public smoking and crazy driving. But everything else is practically perfect.

I am so happy walking over the bridges on my way to work. Every day I take in the willow tree-lined rivers, and the suburban surroundings. I love the people I work with, and I visit them on my days off. I love that Rumi can navigate riding a bike in Shanghai on the bike roads (which are crazier than the car roads). I love that I make what I am worth, and I am told what I am worth. In the midst of my being sick, my supervisor gave me a fantastic evaluation, and his supervisor said I looked like a “fairy tale” that day. I love that I live in an apartment that is better than any place I have had. I love that I don’t need public assistance to feed my children. I love that I have friends here and there who are so supportive –especially when the people I thought would be or should be supportive have vanished.

It’s not easy. Don’t get me wrong. Taking a subway two hours to a hospital, kind of sucks, and how I’m going to get Rumi home from said hospital worries me already even though it’s months away. And starting next week, I will begin taking Chinese classes at work. Am I ready for a fourth language? But everything worth it, takes a little work. I would love to know what perfect, or normal, or worry-free feels like, but for now, I’ll watch the genealogy shows on PBS while I prepare the girls’ lessons for the week, breathe calmly, and hope sleep comes before the sun does.


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